Dead Man Kissing
by RipperShipper
Summary: This was not at all how date night was supposed to go. Smutty awkwardness!


Summary: This was not at all how date night was supposed to go. Smutty awkwardness because I just can't write angst right now.

Disclaimer: If September doesn't hurry up and get here, I'm going to hold a fundraiser and then I'm going to buy Castle from Mr. Marlowe. Flawless plan is flawless?

Author's Note: I wish I knew where this came from. I blame my own sexual frustration. Also, I don't ship the secondary pairing in this fic, but I though it was a hilarious idea. ;)

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He's a dead man if anyone walks into the hallway. He has no chance. None. Kate will slit his throat and be done with it before he can say 'apples', but hey, at least his doorman won't be out for blood because they emergency stopped the elevator…for an hour…again...

Oops.

He really doesn't even know how he's thinking about murder anyway when he has Kate pressed up against the wall outside his loft and she's perfecting the art of contortionism to shuck her leather top. To be fair, she did warn him that he wouldn't be able to handle the sight of her 'straddling her Harley in tight black leather', but that was then. Surely he could handle it now that they hadn't been dangling off the cliff of sexual frustration torture for nearly a year.

Nope.

Dinner was for people who didn't walk out their apartment door to Kate Beckett revving her motorcycle and twirling her helmet on her hand with far too much expertise. Dinner was for people who hadn't just spent the better part of an hour clinging to their partner as they sped around lower Manhattan. Yeah, they'd order in later.

For now, food was the farthest thing from the couple's mind as they lost themselves in the sexual thrill that still seemed to accompany their weekly 'date night'. Kate's pants clung to her like a second skin and she relished in the contrast and relief of Rick's loose-fitting shirt as she raked her fingers up and down his chest.

"Need. Get. Inside." Rick's murmured against her neck even as he showed no sign of slowing his actions to find his keys.

"Noo." Kate nearly whined. "Too far, Castle."

"Someone might see." He gasped as her fingers gently tugged at his nipple and he pulled her groin further against his erection in revenge, eliciting noises from her that made him want to throw privacy out the window.

"Can't wait." She cried. Kate roughly pulled his hand to the zipper on her pants. "Don't care."

Castle groaned and deftly undid the metal clasp and zipper, swearing when the sweaty leather wouldn't give him the access he craved. Kate bucked fruitlessly against him as his fingers fought to find her through the stubborn fabric.

"Fuck. These. Pants." Kate growled in frustration.

"I'm trying." Castle mumbled to himself more than to her, but she definitely heard him and her hand clenched against the back of his neck, forcing his head up to meet her lips. She kissed him frantically, desperate for any kind of release while he fought valiantly below their waists. Finally, she let out a breathy sigh of satisfaction as one of his hands pushed her offending pants to the floor and the other speedily ducked inside her boy shorts underwear.

"Yes!" She squeaked uncharacteristically. She was so wound up and she needed more of him than she even knew how to ask for. Freeing her left leg from the confines of leather at her ankles, she spun them around to shove him against the front door.

She didn't expect it to be open.

They toppled through the door in a pile of limbs and Castle let out a girlish scream as he fell backwards onto his own floor with Kate practically latched on to him, their doubled weight making the fall that less graceful. Kate sat up, immediately concerned for her partner when a voice from the nearby couch made her blood freeze.

"Oh my god, Katie?"

Castle equally paled below her at the sound of Jim Beckett's voice, all pain suddenly forgotten and replaced with well-founded fear for his life. The older man's daughter was straddling him, half naked, in leather, with his hand blatantly gripping her ass (even if Jim couldn't see that with Kate sitting up ramrod straight like a child about to be sent to the principal's office). Suddenly, his earlier thoughts of being a dead man filtered back through his mind.

"Daddy?" Kate's high-pitched whisper eliminated his option of pretending this was a nightmare, and Castle determinedly shut his eyes and awaited his fate. Not that he could go anywhere anyway because _Jim Beckett's daughter was still on top of him_. Yeah, this couldn't get any worse.

"Richard, darling, I thought you weren't getting back until… oh my lord!" Martha gasped as she walked in from the kitchen carrying two glasses of water. Castle wanted to die. He felt Kate nervously shift on top of him, not sure whether to burry herself further into him for protection to run and leave him to his own defenses. Just in case, he tightened his grip. There was no way he was facing this one on his own.

"Mother." He winced.

"It's…we…um…" Kate stuttered.

"We…just…I mean…" He failed.

The four fell silent as each tried to find something interesting on the wall to look at. Finally, some of Castle's blood seemed to find his feet.

"We'llbegoingnow." He rattled off as he stood carefully to block Kate from view and practically shoved her inside the coat closet to fix herself. She emerged in record time, threw a jacket at his crotch and dragged him out the door before she keeled over from embarrassment.

The sound of the door slamming seemed to unfreeze Martha and Jim who were now staring at each other with competing faces of utter horror. After a few moments, Martha burst out laughing.

"What on earth is so funny?" Jim asked, his mind still traumatized from the image of his little girl.

"I was just thinking about what would've happened if they walked in 20 minutes ago." She winked conspiratorially at the older Beckett and Jim blanched. Martha sashayed over to him to hand him his glass of water and grabbed her own discarded bra from between the couch cushions it was peeking out of.

Some secrets were better off not being shared.

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*Ducks and runs because I don't know how I feel about this one, but I hope you enjoyed!*


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